24.1.09

You, Me and the Goldfish

So here we are 4:06am, you me and the goldfish.

I feel like I have to put something out there that is very important and amazingly perceptive about myself. More importantly a youth that has issues when it comes to roots.

Oh yes, roots folks those awkward things that I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Not the movie about black oppression.

I had a breakthrough - something that only happens at this time of the morning while watching a movie that you can truly relate too at this time of the night.

The main characters real name is Aaron, who for one very important reason he changes to Jack. Now as the story progresses you understand more and more why, being released on parole for a childhood infraction he is trying to make a new start for himself.

The movie of course is set in the United Kingdom somewhere in which the system understands despite making a horrible choice as a kid you are only human and as such are deserving of a second chance. Rehabilitation is their number one goal.

Unlike a far off place we all know.

I digress.

The whole movie follows this young adult near my age as he works and lives with a secret that he doesn't want anyone to know about.

I feel that's how I live my life.

I am the keeper of secrets.

I am always looking for a more comfortable metaphorical closet to hide them in...Dinosaur bones that they have become for me.

But as the character goes along trying to explain his awkward self and why he does the things he does - that's me.

What makes me Ill is that I can relate to a fictional character who killed a playmate as a child.

No, Not the murder portion but the Secret. The Secret that he fights tooth and nail to never give away. I mean come on - he changed his name.

Not to be melodramatic but I would kill to start completely over.

Forsake every inch of life I have up until this point for a fictional backlog of who it is to be Evan.

To be a Jack Smith. - Protector of the bones.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can so understand but you know how it is with secrets. How they grow and grow in the dark?

I work as a writer who writes down old peoples lifestories. When I work with the elderly they often decide to tell stuff they haven't talked about in forever and when they dust of the secrets they sometimes are so surprised that they aren't bigger and more lethal...

Yondalla said...

I'd give it to you if I could. You are a blessing in my life, but if I also wish for you that other life filled with only wonderful things.

zunzun said...

That last sentence would make a great book title...I think writing is cathartic..hang in there.

Maggie said...

I'm with Eos. You've got words in you. Start putting those bones down on paper and maybe, one day, you can set them free.

Stacie Guesswork (aka Mrs Butter B) said...

I think a lot of us are like that to some point- some of us regret what was done to us, some of us regret what we've done to others.

I think for me though, I finally reached a point (after multiple attemts to start over, be seen as something more than my failures) where I could accept myself and see that others bear the same inadequecies that I possess, and that in truth, we're all fairly equal in terms of Secrets.

Once you can view yourself with respect and find things to see about yourself that you like, you might find that the world starts to see you the new way too. It worked for me.

Very introspective post btw. Loved it!

FosteringDreams said...

It's good to see you back semi-recently. You have good insight that's helpful for those of us who work with teens and others learning who they are and who they wish to be.

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